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The Definition of
Confidence
Self-confidence is
essentially an attitude which allows us to have a positive and
realistic perception of ourselves and our abilities. It is
characterized by personal attributes such as assertiveness,
optimism, enthusiasm, affection, pride, independence, trust, the
ability to handle criticism and emotional maturity.
Confidence is
learned, it is not inherited. If you lack confidence, it
probably means that, as a child, you were criticized,
undermined, or suffered an inexplicable tragic loss, for which
you either blamed yourself or were blamed by others. A lack of
confidence isn't necessarily permanent but it can be if it isn't
addressed. Our religion, the influence of the culture which
formed our perspectives, our gender, social class and our
parents, in particular, are all factors which influence and
contribute to our level of confidence and esteem.
Confident people
have deep faith in their future and can accurately assess their
capabilities. They also have a general sense of control in their
lives and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do
what they desire, plan and expect, no matter what the
foreseeable obstacle. But this faith is guided by more realistic
expectations so that, even when some of their goals are not met,
those with confidence continue to be positive, to believe in
themselves and to accept their current limitations with renewed
energy. However, having high self-confidence does not mean they
will be able to do everything they want. That view is
unrealistic, one for the perfectionists. A desire to be good at
everything we do in order to impress others stems from a
competitive instinct and lack of personal reinforcement. Any
truly successful life has both rewards and the ability to learn
from any setbacks, which increase our resilience, self- belief
and determination. Real confidence requires that we face the
possibility of failure constantly and deal with it. However, if
we consistently lose out on both achievement and validation,
even our identity is called into question.
Self-esteem is the
opinion you have of yourself. It is based upon how you perceive
your value as a person, particularly with regard to the work you
do, your status, achievements, purpose in life, your perceived
place in the social order, potential for success, strengths and
weaknesses; how you relate to others and your ability to stand
on your own feet. Because esteem is a perception of your worth,
your own value of yourself dictates how others perceive you too.
Buddhists classify low self-esteem as "a negative emotion or
delusion, which exaggerates one's limitations in capacity,
quality and potential for growth". It results from having a poor
self-image according to personal experience in all the elements
of life mentioned above. People with poor esteem never feel in
charge of their lives. They often feel like victims, or
outsiders - ignored, excluded, unimportant, insignificant and
unloved. As they spend their lives internalizing the criticism
of others, taking it to heart while searching constantly for
that elusive acknowledgment, their personal assessment will
reflect itself in the appraisal of others - no more, no less.
But if we allow others to take control of decisions we should
make, we gradually become dependent upon them too, abdicating
responsibility for our lives, which tends to lead to us being
doormats for other people's benefit.
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